Resistance to aging used to be considered an abnormal, or even vain, thing. If you saw someone — commonly a woman — trying to behave or dress in a way proper to a person twenty years younger than she, it would be considered shameful and immature. Certainly, it is hard to face the fact that one has more life behind than before oneself — something everyone faces at some point —, but acceptance of this reality had, until now, been considered the mark of an adult and mature person. During the past decades, however, there has been a growing trend among both men and women to reject aging in every way possible, whether in behavior, clothing, or by embracing anti-aging products (such as Botox) or similar cosmetic procedures. The more I see the world today, the more I realize the need for people who age.
Before I continue, a note: I will be using the terms “grow old” and “mature” together, and somewhat interchangeably; that is because growing old and mature come together (or are supposed to). But let us return to my prior sentence.
For most of us, aging is a sad fact of life. It is no fun to realize that one is growing old and can speak of more yesterdays than expect tomorrows. Nobody likes to see wrinkles appear on a formerly youthful countenance, or gray strands appear among preciously color-uniform hair. Growing old, like growing up for children, comes with many disturbances. But it also comes with maturity, something we greatly lack today.
One thing one does not fail to notice when looking into the past is how much people depended on their elders; or, rather, not how much, but how they could depend on them. If a child got into trouble, he would go to his father from whom he would receive good advice. Someone had a problem? They would have a talk with Grandma on the front porch, or with old Bob whom everyone in town knew. He might have been old and unable to do much, but he could do something with his advice.
But that doesn’t happen as much today. Why? This owes, in part, to the overall disregard our generation holds for the elderly. But I believe there is another reason, which I suspect is that old people don’t really grow old (or mature) anymore.
Think about many — or most — adults today. What do you see? People receiving anti-aging treatments, wearing the same clothes a twenty-year-old would wear, and acting like children. Can you imagine the average, youth-clinging grandmother of today sitting in the place of that white-haired, matronly grandmother on the porch? Furthermore, can you imagine asking that same modern grandmother the questions you would ask the old-fashioned one?
Like me, your answer is probably no. But why is it “no”? The modern grandmother is as old as the old-fashioned one. The reason we tend to ask Grandmother questions is because we believe that, throughout her life, she has developed more knowledge than us by experience. So why wouldn’t Modern Grandmother have as much experience as Old-Fashioned Grandmother, if they are both the same age?
This leads me to my second point. It isn’t only age that matters, but maturity. A person will age, but whether he will mature is another question. It is this maturity that makes age valuable. It is also this maturity that inspires confidence in someone when it comes to following their example and seeking their advice.
It takes a look at commercials, social media, or films to realize that we live in an age of immaturity. Not just in a time when people want to look younger than they really are, but when people behave — and think — younger than they are. Think of the child-like attraction Disneyland holds these days for many adults. Or how they delight in identifying with characters from movies aimed at children. So much so, that they will go so far as to proudly wear t-shirts emblazoned with their favorite characters from them — something that up to a few years ago was reserved for children.
Furthermore, older people want to feel younger by doing what their 20-year-old (or even younger) counterparts would do. Take, for example, adults playing video games with the affinity of an addicted eight-year-old. Another thing that is commonly seen is parents wanting to relate to their children by acting, in turn, like children themselves. This kind of behavior is often termed ‘cool’, but in reality will only generally result in a lack of respect on behalf of the child towards the parent, which children will often embody in the form of an embarrassed exclamation or an eye-roll.
Now, I am no proponent of the culture of children labeling their parents as ‘lame’ or rolling their eyes at everything they say or do. Children who do such things are often just as lame and deserving of an eye-roll themselves. However, leaving the immaturity of such children aside, there sometimes is a reason for this labeling of adults — namely, because they act like children.
Before I proceed, another clarification is in order. I do not mean that we should all be haughty or grave simpletons, never joking, never smiling, never enjoying ourselves. I only mean that this should be done by each person according to his state, age, and rank. Up to sixty or seventy years ago, this was a universally recognized fact which is now lost. Even the Church’s clergy hasten to dispose of the respect due to them.
The crisis of disrespect was first caused by the crisis of immaturity. There is no easier way for a superior to lose the respect of his inferior than by acting immaturely. Everyone knows — or used to know — that if a teacher wants to retain control over a class of children, he must do so by exercising a part that demands respect. This does not mean he needs to be choleric or punish his students (although in saner times punishment would be applied when necessary), but that he must perform the duties proper to his state and do so well, especially if his subjects are old enough to recognize those duties and judge whether he is fulfilling them or not. The same can be said of every other person, whether he holds an official position of authority or simply the authority in the home.
Just as we have that softness of temperament that naturally dislikes holding authority — and acting authoritatively —, we have an instinct within ourselves that measures maturity in others. Thus, the immature teenager can easily detect when an adult before him is acting immaturely, causing him to lose respect for that person. Along the same line, it is also possible to be a maturity-demanding, eye-rolling teenager, and then proceed to become just such an immature adult oneself (a vicious circle I believe the world has become stuck in).
I will admit that as the writer of this piece, I find myself in a tricky position. Now being in the last of my teen years, it could be said it is easy, and typical of my age, to write an article bashing adults. Perhaps it is. But I write this article contemplating, precisely because of my age, the difficult thing being an adult — and holding a position of authority — can be. I have no idea how I will handle aging, but I hope (and should start praying) that I will be able to accept this rule of life properly and… yes (pun intended), maturely.
We have been taught to hate maturity. How many times have you heard the old days spoken of with bitter disdain because of the restraint and formality? How many times have you heard that older people are now free because they can express themselves better without the restrictions of society’s norms on them? But the reality is we are nowhere near better off. In being encouraged to ‘express themselves better’, older people are forced to forever have the so-called perfection of youth before them. This non-acceptance of aging by society at large is instead a cruel message to those who are no longer ‘young and useful’ that their present state (or age) is bad and — much like how Feminism denies the worth of femininity by replacing it with a vulgar female-masculinity — that they are not worth anything because they are no longer young. And, if one were to go only a little deeper in such a line of thought, one would soon conclude that the only valuable thing about a person is not themselves, but their youth. Because of this, older people are forced to recreate their youth — while at the same time gratifying their vanity and thus feeling ‘happy’ about it. It is a brutal place to be in for any human being and a lie from a society that wants to play God by desiring to live forever and resisting the nature of His creation.
One of the reasons why the world is in the place it is is because we no longer have old people. We no longer have the father who inspires respect through his adult conduct, or the wise, calm, white-haired grandmother always waiting for us. While there is no reason to hurry children out of childhood and into adulthood (a subject for another article…), it is important that maturity once more be inculcated. The more I see of the world, the more I realize how important it is for us to have (and be) mature adults. We need people who grow old. And so I say, in conjunction with all those fashion and cosmetic magazines, but with a reason opposed to their own — let us appreciate aging because old, mature people who give a good example and hand out experienced advice are a beautiful and necessary thing.
When I saw the new Vatican “mascot”, these were my first thoughts. “We’re living in an age of immaturity. Even grown women, feel the need to stay youthful. Maturity is not met with beauty anymore. (When I was a child I acted like a child. When I grew up, I put away childish things) Some days, I contemplate why women dye their hair and wear makeup. It’s not inherently sinful but it does give emphasis that getting old/mature is not desirable. All the anti-aging messages and products of the modern world lead to a change of mindset. When I was a little girl, I never wondered why my grandmother didn’t try to dress trendy, wear makeup or dye her hair. My grandmother had a special place of worth, dignity, matriarchy, respect. She was a beautiful, mature woman in my eyes ❤️